Controlling Change

I'm yanking off the bandaid. There have been a million reasons why I haven't posted a single blog in over a year, and I'm sure that I will address them in time, but for now I need to write.

This morning we woke up to the first cool morning of fall and everyone needed a sweater before leaving the house. It's transition time. It's time to prepare for the long winter ahead, while enjoying the opportunities that present themselves today.

So much has changed in my life since my last post, and almost all of it was out of my control. Even though much of the change has been positive, I still feel raw and shaken by how my painstaking plans for myself and my family did not play out. I like to think that we made the most of a very bad situation, and I take great comfort knowing that we are not alone in our struggle.

Maybe because I had so little control over the last nine months of my life, I feel a pull to reclaim things that used to make me happy. This blog and the activities that filled its posts represent stability for me because they meant that I had the time, energy, and will to take on outside interests, try new things, and take time to reflect on them.

I'm tired of waiting to feel like I have control over my life again, so I am taking it back for myself.

This morning, while the baby naps and the school buses creep down the street, I am baking a loaf of bread.